Vegetarianism?

Dear readers,

I've tried many times to get back into writing on this blog but I cannot do it. It just doesn't feel right anymore. I was a different person back in Texas while writing here, I loved every post and comment of this charming little spot that I started and you all helped make with your reading and comments and all that you shared with me. However, I feel as if it is time for me to move on.

Yes, I am still a christian, I am still conservative, I just feel as if it is time to end this part of my life. You will never know how much this blog changed my life and helped shape me into who I am. It will always be dear to my heart. I am no longer a young single lady. I am a grown woman, taking on the world with new eyes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is filling all my dreams that I've shared with you.

I am starting a new blog that I feel fits the new chapters of my life much better. I pray that you join me there and learn of my adult life in the real world. Before I say good-bye, I want to thank each and every single one of you for your prayers, love, encouragement, and friendship. You all have helped shape me into who I am and helped me through the darkest and hardest times of my life. I would mention it a little but while I was writing this blog my life was very up and down, I was fighting depression and hopelessness though a large part of it. Doubts of everything in my life. This blog and you all helped me stay focused on God and keep my head above water. Thank you.

So, please join me in the next chapters of my life at More Than a Vegetarian: Not Quite a Vegan. Thank you for everything, I hope to see you on the other side.

In sickness and finals

Right after I started blogging again, my life got crazy. Between sickness and studying for finals I've had no time to write. I have a few rough drafts of college related posts in the work but nothing worth publishing yet. So hopefully in the next week, things will calm down enough that I can pick up blogging again.

My first winter and the one coming up

When I lived in Texas I thought I knew what winter was. We never go anywhere if there is even a thin layer of ice of the roads, if someone did try to drive you'd hear the screaming of tires the whole time because no one knew how to drive on the stuff. Wrecks would be a plenty. I took a defensive driving course the summer before I moved up to Missouri and got excited when I saw a section on driving in snow and ice...their advice "Don't do it", that helped a lot, not! Imagine my surprise when I learned that I was still expected at work when it iced or snows!
So when I moved up here and it was in the 70's I was chilly after coming from 100+ weather. It did warm up though for a few weeks later on though. Then mid-September hit...I was DYING, I HATED the cold...I was always wearing a few layers of extra clothing. At time I was tutoring and the mother of the children ask me is if I was ready for the winter and what kind of coat I had...I told her "Oh its a lot like the one you have hanging in the foyer" She looked at me like I was crazy and told me that kind of coat would only get me through the fall. As an early Christmas present she and the children bought me a thick winter coat and gloves to go with it. I was very touched and thrilled.

As soon as we had report of possible snow everyone was giving me advice on how to drive in the stuff and asking me if I'd be okay. The first snow of the year, my first snow, I was at work and they sent me home early so I wouldn't have to drive in it because it was supposed to get to a couple inches thick before my shift was over. So like any warm blooded Texan,I raced home to hole up inside...little did I know that the hill my dorm was resting on would be covered with students playing in the snow! Oh goodness! The fun we had, I built my first snow man, went sledding for the first time, thew my first real snow ball! I was hooked! I loved the snow! But ummmm, I couldn't walk...at all...I would try to throw a snowball and I would fall on my butt. It was funny to me and to everyone watching.

After awhile I got use to the snow and ice(after many many large bruises covering my backside and thighs from slipping all the way down the hill and stairs). Let me tell you, boots help so much! I am in love in with my winter boots and cannot wait ti put them on again. I utterly hate the cold, I really do, all my friends tease me about how much I shiver and bundle up but it is a nice change from hot all the time. I had my first white Christmas last year, so much white in fact my beloved had to shovel my car out of the snow and I had to wade in the fluff that was up to my thighs! We had a lot of good laughs and he would tease me about my awe in the snow. I would just look out the window and grin like a little kid and beg him to take me out and play in it =) He would put his hands on my shoulders and point to the sky "Little Texas girl...this is what we call snow!...It falls from the sky, but it doesn't mean the sky is falling!" He would say all this because I told him once "Snow is really wet and cold!" I had no idea how cold or wet the stuff was.

This year, I am ready, I am already buying thicker lotions, looking for tights to wear, planning knitting projects, and planning the shortest ways to get across campus! So what are you looking forward to about winter? Any winter survival tips?

The Daily Christian Walk of a Full-Time Student With Two Jobs

When I first began my journey to living on my own everyone told me to make sure I keep the scriptures first in my life and never take my eyes off God. I wish I could say I've kept this advice perfectly ever since I moved out on my own, sadly I cannot. Daily life has gotten in the way my prayer life and Bible studies. I work most Sundays and Wednesdays just to pay the bills and get through life. This is a fact of life, I cannot always make it to church ever single service, I wish I could but there is no way I can and still support myself. So how do I keep my heart focused and on God? To be honest, it has been a huge struggle for me before and still is. I get busy and caught up in my studies and working two jobs and trying to balance my friends and my loved ones. What is a overly busy girl to do?

One, I start by praying. I ask God to give me time to spend with Him. I ask him, sometimes I even beg Him, to help me make time for Him daily. One strange way God has give me extra time with Him is during my runs. I love running and run around 3-5 miles a day, usually 5-6 days a week, and when I don't run I cross-training (meaning biking or using some other type of cardio machine to strengthen my knees). These runs normally take around an hour a half for a long run and a short run is usually around 45 minutes. I find these runs a wonderful time to pray and talk to God. If I am running in the woods I sometimes turn up the music on my I-pod and just praise God for this beautiful creation and listen to Him speak to me. Other times I go for hard runs up hills and these are the time I am crying out to God for help or guidance. Before I prayed for God to increase my time and help me make time for Him my daily runs was just time blaring music and thinking about daily life.

Two, I talk to my boyfriend and other like minded friends. My closest friends, my “college family”, with whom I study with, do some group work outs, cook with, hang out with, and just have fun with, are all Christians. We all struggle at times with things but we all try to keep God first and to stay focused on God. All of us are living on our own, all but one of us are either from out of state or out of country even, thus dealing with a lot of the same things. Surrounding yourself with people who will lift you up constantly is more helpful then I ever dreamed possible. My darling boyfriend is a wonderful Christian man, with who I have Bible studies with and pray with. We bother share our struggles with each other and keep each other accountable. When one falls or needs to be reminded of things, we are there for each other. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Your close friends MUST be like minded. And that special person in your life 100% must be on the same page as you! If they are not, you will fall. I couldn't imagine how I would be if my friends where not believers and I couldn't image my man not being on the same page as me. It just wouldn't work.

Third, The Bible will truly keep you focused. When ever I find my self skimping on my reading or I just skip it, things are ALWAYS worse. Maybe not blatantly so at first, maybe I am just a little moodier, or maybe I am just a little off focused, other times it is like a neon sign. I am frustrated, I don't feel well, I can't focus on anything, and I get hacked off at the little annoying things of daily life.

Four, online sermons. I know that this does not replace sitting in a church service and hearing the word with other Christians but it is something. Hearing the word of God taught keeps me challenged and focus. It keeps my heart tender and usable.

Five, Ignore what others say. This is something I've had to do since my senior year of highschool when my life took a different path from that which I had grown up on. When I challenged a lot of things I was taught and that many of my peers and friends and even family believed. I had to focus on God and tune out the other voices telling me Gods will for me.(see this post) God has lead me here and has placed me in the situations I am in. While they are not ideal and I wish I was able to attend a normal church service every single Sunday it isn't doable. I think God still blesses me for this and gives me other was to worship, learn His word, have good fellowship, and to talk to him.

Sometimes, often, I get frustrated with this but then I am reminder that there is a higher reason that I see. Maybe this is just because God wants be to depend on Him and not a church right now. Maybe He needs me strong in my faith on my own before He leads me into further service, I honestly have no idea. All I know is this is what I've got and this is what God had lead me to.

One year later I'm back!

Over one beautiful year has passed since I moved to Missouri to continue my education. I remember how scared I was and how I wasn't always 100% sure I was doing the right thing even though I had prayed and prayed and felt as if this is what God had for me. Now, I am glad I took that leap and moved my life to Missouri.
I am a quarter way done with my sophomore year as a public relations and marketing student, I have wonder friends who are like family to me, I have grown from a child into a woman, my faith is stronger and I actually feel God working in my life so much more every single day, and I am with a wonderful sweet christian man who challenges me to walk closer to God, to do my best in everything, to seek out Gods will for me personally, to read the Word and furtively study it. He is my best-friend, a funny man who loves to make me laugh, he is smart and we talk about everything from computer security to if coffee is better black or with lots of milk (I like more milk then coffee). He truly is a wonderful companion and my best-friend whom I thank God for many times a day.

I was also running cross country for part of this semester but due to scholarship reasons and work I am about to give that up and just run on my own. I work two jobs currently; one at a coffee shop on my campus and the other a hostess at a nice restaurant when I get to dress up every day for work. As for classes I am taking this semester, I am taking an introduction to computers classes, English 106 (second level writing class), Algebra, and French. After next semester I will have most if not all of my general education classes out of the way and be free to start focused classes. If you are wondering what happened to my being an early childhood education major you'll have to wait for a new post about that subject since it is rather a long story =)

College has been full of struggles and been very hard at times but it has been worth it and perfect for me. So, this is all for now, I have a French exam to study for that takes place in a few hours. I can't wait to get back into the blogging world and catch up on everyone's lives and talk to all my lovely blog friends again.

Blessings to all!

One year later

It has been just over one year since I moved here. I haven't writen on my blog during this time but I am suddenly filled with the desire to write again. I start classes back this Monday but I am going to have a new post up by the middle of next week. Keep your eyes open and we'll see what pops up!

A new path

College...a word that has always been present in my world. It was never an option. I WOULD go...no questions asked, that was just how it was.
Then last year I started to question that, should girls really go? Is it more biblical to stay home then to get an education? Could what I always thought be wrong?
For awhile I even prayed that I wouldn't go to college, I wanted to just learn to be a wife while staying at my home, which, for me, is totally impractical and impossible for many personal reasons. The doors for staying home just would not open; the door for college kept flying open.
At this point I accepted that staying home and not going to college was not for me and that I would go wherever God showed me, not to long after I accepted this I found a name of a college that really stuck out and prayed that I could go to that one. I had requested drawers-full of information packets from various colleges and applied at a few and got accepted into two others but none felt as right as this one. It was almost too good to be true. I wanted to go to this college so bad. Could I actually be getting my wish?
I needed a 3.0 GPA to get in...I finished with a 3.77 which will qualify me for many wonderful scholarships. I needed a 995 math and reading SAT score...I received a 1040. Every thing "seemed" perfect. I was still scared that something wouldn't work out, but it felt so right.

I prayed nonstop for guidance about this. I called the college a few times...ok a lot of times! I asked questions; I studied my brain into mush before the SAT, I prayed for very specific scores, which I did get just a little higher than. Then one day a little glimmer of light shone, I called to check on my finical aid process and the lady to whom I spoke made it sound like I had been accepted but said I "wasn't just yet"...then on Thursday (the 9th) my mother called me at work with the news. She asked if I was somewhere private and then told me that such and such college had called and that she had bad news. "I'm going to miss my little girl! You’re in!" I freaked a little while on the phone then after I talked to her for a few minutes I hung up and pretty much screamed, scaring everyone in the vicinity. I was in! My prayers had been answered! I was REALY going!


I will be leaving Texas August 8th. I am thrilled; all the right doors have been opened wide and the wrong ones have been locked tight. My path is clear. I am still in a state of shock at this time. As I clean out different places of my room and I think "one month...and I will never call this room mine again. I will never walk the halls of this house again in the same way...it all is going to change in one month" it is a strange feeling. I can't explain it; it is very sweet but with a twinge of bitterness? I am moving on with my life but I am leaving many of my loved ones behind. I am leaving EVERY thing behind. The places I played as a child, the garden my mother and I tilled by hand when I was eight or so, the places my brothers and I grew up, played, and yes got in lots of trouble. My brothers have been my constant companions, what classmates are to those who attend public or private schools are those, my brothers have been to me. The city my grandmother lives in, the city I was born in, and of course some less than pleasant things that totally changed my life and set things in motion that, at the time, I had no idea would affect my adult life. The places my best childhood friend and I went on wild adventures and read books and poetry together that girl’s our age normally wouldn't. It still feels weird knowing that my days are numbered here…but it feels exciting and as if I am starting a new adventure! So much that I am leaving but so much is ahead.

Am I scared? Certainly! I have never been away from my mother and brothers for more than about a week. I will be responsible for my self. No one to say "Sydney, you forgot to eat today" or "Sydney, get a move on! You're running late!" and I will not be able to fall back on my mother when something goes wrong such as, I wore the wrong color blue skirt to work and I have to change or go home (or make a wrap skirt from some fabric and safety pins, yes...that did happen just this week). . I am stilling hold fast to God’s word and truths, in fact I would say over the last six months I have grown more than ever; in ways I cannot even explain. The courage to say “this MUST change and I MUST do this” and the faith that I had to have just incase things took a different direction. I do not think I have ever been this strong in my life. I still have a lot to learn and many ways to grow but I know that by me doing this it is like taking the limits of my development off and giving me all that I need to become the woman God has planned for me to be since my conception. Fear of what might happen if I go to college is not a valid excuse for me not to go. As many of you have heard “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” ~Ambrose Redmoon



I think this new turn of events will changed the focus on my blog a little. I think I will be posting more of daily life and college things. Maybe saving money and being frugal on a college budget? Planning time wisely? (If I learn this)
Things of that nature rather than as many spiritual things as before, Yes, I'll still write on those things but I feel as my life is changing and it is time for me to write more on other things

College is one of those issues that just add fuel to the fire of argumentation. So in advanced if you disagree, please, let me know if you feel the need to, just remember that I am saying what God would have ME do not what I think God would have YOU do. Each person must seek what God will is for them and not what others think they should do. I cannot stress that enough. Just because moving away is for me does NOT mean it’s for you. Just because staying home is for you does not mean it’s for me!

*post started on the 13th of July, Finished finished the 27th of July*

Wait for me as I wait for you

This is a very beautiful song that I think echos the wishes of every girls' heart. We wait and save ourselves for our future mate and while the church pushes the purity of the young ladies and how men find that a desirable trait they often fail to mention how we ladies want out husbands to have waited and save him self for us. Would you want to learn that your husband waited for you like you waited for him?


Rebecca St James - Wait For Me

Darling, did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
And darling, did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

CHORUS:
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait

Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
" Til death do us part"
I mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

CHORUS

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness, and a second chance
So wait for me, darling wait for me
Wait for me
Darling wait for me

CHORUS

Stop the cookie cutting!

Cookie cutters, we've all seen them, we've all used them. They are great little things for making every single cookie the exact same way every time. I teach little kids, 3-7 year olds, so when I make cookies for those guys the cookies MUST BE THE SAME SIZE!!! IN THE NAME OF FAIRNESS. But, what about people...?

I have always been a "break the mold" person. I've always stood out, even when I tried to be like everyone else. You know the kid who always was the "weird one" but some how everyone still loved...yeah that was me. I am grateful that I never learned to fit any mold other than the one God made just for me.
I've never really matched up to what most people thought I should and to be honest, that is fine with me. The last year a lot of what I believe has changed, no I'm not about to say I am turning liberal, I've began to use the Bible as my bases rather than "oh, so many people say xyz so it must be true!" or " Oh...so and so said it and they seem like such a godly person" or the one that I've most recently started having to change "oh, my parents say it so it automatically biblical". As I've bounced back and forth between these thoughts I've learned something: God speaks to each of us differently. Just because not wearing pants is right for you doesn't mean its right for me. Maybe God doesn't have a college education planned for you like He does for me. Let’s say that God wants you to live at home until your married...that’s not what He has for me. Head covering full time? Great, if that’s what God has for you, as for me just during worship. Not at all for you? Then praise God that you’re doing what He wants for YOU.

You CANNOT put the Christian life in a cookie cutter and say this is how it has to be! Now, duh, some things are; like salvation, through Christ's blood alone. Something we cannot earn and something we do not deserve, a free gift to all man kind who trust in His name alone. Baptism, after salvation only, not for babies. The Bible is the written word of God. Stuff like that. However many things aren't clear in the Bible, Mistake? Hardly, when God makes something vague it’s because he WANTS it vague. Why doesn't God say this is how you do this with everything in our lives? Because it’s different for each person in each generation. Maybe God wants a certain woman to become a doctor so she can later become a missionary’s wife and she needs that degree.
I know a couple that happened to. The wife went to college, had a great job before hand and when she went on the field that knowledge was greatly needed and used! I want to teach, I have for most of my life. Maybe God has a class full of children that He has great plans for, they just need some one to plant the seed and water it. Maybe God wants a certain girl to stay home and learn the ways of the house only and never get a "real job" or an education past high school. Maybe her children are going to change the world. What ever God has for you may not be the same for another family or even for a member of the same family

See why its impossible to say "this is the only way!". Often times when we say that it's not that it's the only way, but it is OUR way. Personally I am sick of being told that what I'm doing is wrong by people who hardly know me. They don't know anything about me. They hardly even know my family, yet they think that they have some sort of divine insight into my future and speak as if God told them "this is what I would have Sydney Smith do", yeah right. Now maybe those people have prayed for me and maybe they think that they know what is best for me. Now if they really did don't you think God would have told me or my parents that? Yeah, He would have. I have prayed for along time for God's leading. When I first started praying and people would ask what I was doing and I would say "I'm still praying about it...maybe stay home for college? I'm not sure" I got the response "well praise God your seeking His will" well when I started saying "I've prayed very hard and now God has lead me out of state for college" I get the "are you sure...are you old enough to make that kind of choice? What do your parents think?" as if some how when I sought God and it matched their plans of how I should be I was mature and able minded but when I sought God and was sure of what He wants and it doesn't match their plans then I am a child unable to know what God would have for me. What they really meant the first time “was praise God you match my mold of life!”
Yes, this does bug me. I am a born again believer, God speaks to me like he does you; God gave me a brain and a heart. God gave me the desire to seek His will and the ability to talk to Him about my future. God says "seek ye first the kingdom of God" Not seek ye first the opinion of some well meaning person who hardly knows you and is trying to force you into their own little box of how Christian girls should be. Yeah, there are risks. Yeah, I will fall and mess up, maybe big time; the safest place to be is in the center of God's will. I would rather risk going out of state and living on my own and be in God's will then stay home "safe" and not being in God's will but "safe".

So what am I trying to say? Stop trying to make people fit your little cookie cutter.
Stop telling parents that they fail at parenting because their child is different. That bugs me to no end, when people keep questioning my mother to why she is allowing me to go to college and if she’s sure that I'm right! Seriously people, cut it out. I have been very sweet and tried to be loving towards people who say stuff to me but if I see another person question my mother about my college choice I might end up referring them to this post.
If you have ignored God’s will for that of some well meaning person I want to encourage you to stop allowing people to “cookie cut” you. Seek God’s will…not man’s.

SAT and Etsy.

My SAT's are over! I am so so so so so so glad! I can finally sleep with out worry about wasting study time; Life is good again. I think I did pretty well, I knew a lot more than I thought I would. I'll find out for sure the 26th; Until then all I can do is finish up my transcript and mail it off to my college and then wait some more.

I'm doing some sewing for people to try and raise some extra money for college/car funds. Once I am done with that I'll be working on getting stuff back on my Etsy, I really let that go while studying for my SAT. So keep an eye out for those up-dates. Also, Beth is having a sale for her Etsy shop! Be sure to check out her beautiful creations! I am going to order two pairs of earrings! I was so happy to see surgical steel earrings since anything other than white gold, silver, or surgical steel gives me infections and turns my ears black! So anyways, be sure to check out her shop! My mom bought be a bracelet there awhile back I love it! All of her stuff is high-quality and just so cute!

Any suggestions of things that you would like to see in my shop? Suggestions don't mean that you'll buy anything :) just something that you think would be nice to see sold.

A Young Maidens Day Book

Today…
June 1, 2009


Outside my window…
Is sunny and bright.

I am thinking…
How glad I am to be done with my school.

I am thankful for…
that I got to see my great grandmother saved before she passed away


I am wearing-
Denim and my old volleyball t-shirt

I am reading…
Dating with a purpose, the power of crying out the choice is yours, and the hounds of baskervilles.(again)

I am creating…
A baby sweater (just the sleeves left to go), a knitted cami, and soon a laptop cover.

One of my favorite things…
Wild flowers.

For education this week…
My SAT test.

A keeper at home skill I am using/learning...
Keeping school records more organized!

A spiritual lesson I'm learning...
That some times we just have to let go of worries and just relax.

A godly character trait I plan to work on…
Temperance.

Scripture I am memorizing…
Isaiah 40:9. Lift up your voice with strength, lift it up, be not afraid.

I'm praying for…
My SAT test. My moving to Ohio. My acceptance into my first choice college (already accepted to my second choice that is paired with my first choice so I can transfer to my first choice but rather just get into my first choice and skip the step of transferring)

For the rest of the week…
Studying, packing, and getting my laptop.

A picture I’d like to share...
My brothers, my best friend and I. We where sitting in the grass after my graduation and a mom of one of our friend's asked if we wanted a picture. The dress I'm wearing is the one I've been saying I've been working on for awhile. I finally finished it! I also made the white purse from some fabric I got from a friend for my 18th birthday. We are all squinting and tilting our heads funny because the sun was shining in our eyes.

Our loss is heavens gain.

As you all know I spent the end of last month in Ohio to see my great-grandmother who was in the hospital from a very nasty fall. As we were about to cross the Texas border on our way back home we got a call saying she had a small blood-clot but that she would be fine.
Later that week she got moved into rehab and was doing much better. Well two weeks later we where told she was back in ICU from an infection in her one kidney and various other problems; but that she was going to be fine once they got her hydrated again.

Then, on the 21st, right after my graduation rehearsal we got the call...she had passed away. We all were in shock, she had been doing better; no one really knew anything at that point but we went ahead and started planning out trip up there.
I tried to get out of my graduation so we could go up there sooner but no one would hear of that. My great-grandmother had always told me to be young while I can, to live life and to shine when it was my time to be in the light. So I went ahead and went through with my graduation.

As soon as it was over we started packing to leave the next morning for Ohio again. We got there Monday, the viewing was Tuesday, and the funeral was Wednesday. It was beautiful, during her time in the hospital, right after her fall, she confirmed her salvation. It was a glorious thought knowing that she was in heaven though her body was in front of us. After wards the whole family, people I had never even heard of before, poured into the tiny house for lunch and fellowship with one another. It was packed and noisy.
After everyone had left I sat outside with my granddad just sitting watching the world around us. At one point a little neighbor boy (about 6 or so) started talking to me. When I told him I was from Texas he just looked up at me and asked, with huge eyes, "Is that where cowboys are?" He then promptly told me to follow him because he wanted to show me his four-wheeler. After talking excitedly about his four wheeler and various other things in their carport he was ready for me to meet his family! I had grown up hearing about his Aunt, who was best friends with my great-grandmother, so little be known to this boy his family was tied pretty closely to mine. Giggling lightly I waited on their porch for him to get his mom. After a few minutes of light chit-chat I told him I had to get back to "my house" because my mom needed to go to the store. While I was gone he reportedly kept driving and walking in the open ally between the two houses waving wildly and screaming "hiii" all day. Kids are so cute. I can’t wait to see him again and maybe use this as a chance to Minster to some of the local kids. Most of the town seems to be Christian; the stores are all close on Sundays or at least closed during church hours. The windows are covered with Bible verses and various other Bible related things. I think I’m going to like it there for my summers.


So what else has been going on? Well not much! My SAT is this Saturday and I am more nervous then a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs! Well I was, I've been praying for peace and that my nerves be calmed. I've been studying pretty hard core for the last month and a half which has helped my confidence but has also allowed me to put more stress on my self.
I'm going to keep taking practice tests clear up to Friday but I'm refusing to allow my self to stress the math section. I do not know everything that is on there. Making my self so tense and stressed will only harm me on the math I do know. Crying over and glaring at a math problem that I have no idea how to do will NOT help me at this point. So I will simply just take a deep breath try a few more time to see the problem from different angles, if I still cannot do it I will make a guess and move on.
I have done my best. I have done the official SAT question of the day. I have watched math videos. I have done word of the day. I have read and read and read. I have prayed. I have written practice essays. I have done study programs and just about everything else I can think of. I have done all I can do. It is God's hands now. I do NOT need to worry...I'm still trying to convince my self of this.
Please keep my SAT in your prayers. If anything hurts me it will be my nerves more than anything. I'm going to start doing "full length practice tests starting tomorrow". So instead of breaking the whole test up into different parts of the day or even over two days I'll be sitting down and following the official time. So it will take a good three and a half hours. Normally I would spend an hour or so testing then go do something else then come back an hour later and do some more. I'm hoping this will get me ready for the real thing.

All in all I am at peace with my life and future right now. I believe I am on the right path with my plans and goals. Life is good. God is great.

Only a few more days up north...for now.

Today we spent the day staying home instead of going to the hospital since a few of us have been feel unwell. According to the doctors great-grandmother had a rough night, none the less she will be moved into a temporary nursing home this coming week. After that we are praying that she will be able to move into a assisted-living home where she can stay with her husband and still hang on to her sense of dignity.

My grandmother is going to be renting a house up here starting next month and I will be moving in with her for the summer to help her adjust and get settled into her new house. I want to start her a garden and help turn the house into a beautiful home for her year round. We are both very excited and can't wait! I am taking my SAT June 6th and she has to place a 30 day notice at her job or we'd be moving up much sooner!

I wish I could write more and spend more time proof reading and checking my grammar a little better but we have 9 people staying in one tiny house...with one slowish computer so we all try to be considerate of others and allow each person time to check e-mail and such as needed. Still with so many people it is hard to have even a little bit of privacy. I would love to respond to my e-mails but time is lacking and I want to spend as much time as I can with the Aunt and Uncle I've meet for the first time in my life this week!

This Tuesday we will be leaving early in the morning to head home. I will be sad to say good-bye to every one and to the beautiful land but I know that in a few short weeks I will be coming back for the summer, just until college that is!

Great-grandmother update.

Today is our first full day in Ohio. My great-grandmother is doing much better. The bleeding in her brain has stopped and she has no broken bones as was first supposed. She looks pretty beat up but not near as bad as we all thought she would look.
She is coherent on and off, some times remembering who we are and other times thinking we are part of the hospital staff. Today has been better for her though. Most of what she said made sense and she seemed to understand that she can't go home just yet. Her husband still isn't all the way here. He knows she fell and is in the hospital but doesn't really "get" whats going on. Everything has been really hard on him. This morning was his birthday and he informed us it wasn't. We we told him that, yes it was, its May first, he said well if you say so and then later told us how hard it is to sleep at night with out your partner. He has been so sweet with her; holding her hand and gently stroking it with his thumb, just smiling at her very lovingly. He also knows that he won't be able to care for her once she is released from the hospital, which I'm sure is very sad for him. He has late stages of Alzheimer and dementia. So even if grandma was able to come back home he wouldn't be able to care for himself. There is so much that needs to planned and taken care of, I am grateful that the responsibility doesn't fall on me or my mother.



Thanks to all of y'all for your prayers.

Urgent prayer request

Late last night or early this morning my great-grandmother fell in the tub. She is now in ICU and they are saying now is the time for all the family to see her. Her husband has no memories of what happened and started to panic shortly after he called 911. Unknown to everyone here he has been suffering from dementia. We are about to head out to be with her and possibly say out good-byes. Please keep my mother, my grandmother, and I in your prayers as we make the long drive up to see her. Also for the family who is unable to see their great/grand/mother. Much of our family is unsaved so pray that this will be able to be a witness opportunity.

Broken

Broken and shattered you look to the skies desperate for the sun to brake from the dark dismal skies. The pain is more than you think you can bear, you scream and cry and beg "no more". It keeps on, relentless...ever grinding and breaking down. The ones who say that they'll never leave you, that they'll be there for you, are no where to be seen. Alone you break apart, brought as low as you can be. The breaking never ceases the sun refuses to shine. The tears pour yet the pain keeps on. You had a light at the end of the road but now its gone. All that you see ahead is darkness and more heart ache, you opened your heart up to love and life and it was crushed and bruised. Nothing to comfort you, nothing to hold on to except a promise that seems as if will never now come true. Yet you cling on, as the heart break beats upon you ever strong you wonder if all has been a lie. Was it ever true? Was it ever real? Why must this happen? The doubts the fears flood your heart trying to drown out all the love and yet you cling on with all your life, praying that the pain you feel isn't permanent. That the separation from love will cease, that the promises will be filled.

From the ashes in which you sit a voice softly whispers in your ear telling you that nothing matters anymore, that you where never loved and that you never shall be. You bite your lips and wrap your arms around yourself as if you might explode. Fighting the voices that speak your inner fears. You swear it was true and that its just a test, a trail and that the light will shine once again. You try to make sense of it all and fail. Hands over ears trying to block it out. Hands on your heart trying to calm it down. Then another voice appears and quietly says "you prayed that My will be done, that I use you for My glory" You sob back that you didn't want the pain. You asked for His love and grace, and swears He made some mistake. He softly and sadly says "this is the only way, I long to use you, mold you like clay but in this present state I can't, it’s painful, it takes time. The threshing of grain is never quick. Beat upon beat, stroke upon stroke and then after that grinding into the finest power, that too my love takes pain. Then the refiner’s furnace, purifying you into something of beauty but this my love takes fire. There are no short cuts to being shaped; brokenness is the price you must pay. As glass is shattered into a million pieces before the completed stained glass picture in all it wonder can be seen, so must be your heart and will. My child I know it hurts but it is the only way."

The tears still flow you see no reason it must hurt so bad, you question the Maker insisting to know why He demands such things from you. With a soft loving smile He gently says "for others you are broken in special ways, I've allowed all this pains and all this hurts so you can show others the Way. There are people only you can reach I've allowed this hurt and suffering to make you into something useful...my love it is the only way. I must break you, mold you, shatter you, and twist you; you will suffer all alone at times. The pain will feel unbearable at times. You will not see the clear blue sky for days. You will feel as if your dreams will never come true. The things I’ve promised will seem as if they will never happen. You’ll want to question everything. Nothing will seem right. You will be forced to suffer all alone. You will think all others have forsaken you; as if I have forsaken you but my child I am always here.
I long to give you the things for which you so earnestly pray but first I must make sure you know I am all you will ever need." With the feel of strong arms holding you close as you cry, you beg to be broken more, surrendering all to Him. His will be done is your loudest plea. You hush the other voices whispering their lies. He does love you. He does care. His promises are good. Though the way you seems unplanned the Good Shepard knows the path. You stand up and press on knowing this is how servants are made.

A long up-date

Sorry it has taken me so long to write on here. Life has been very busy around here, along with personal issues that I have been dealing with.

As you all know my mother recently had back surgery. Everything went very well and there are no complications at this present time. Today she was having some swelling at the surgical site so we went to see the doctor. He assured us that everything was more than likely fine and that she probably just tore a stitch under the skin or busted a capillary but as long as it wasn't bleeding or oozing and she was feeling fine and didn't have a high fever she would be just fine. She does have a very light fever however, about 99.6. The doctor isn't worried at this point and as long as nothing changes she should be great.

The day after her surgery was my 18th birthday! While she was still very sore and tired my mother was still able to get up and walk a little and watch me blow out the candles on my birthday cake. It has been so awesome to see her up and walking and slowly returning to her normal life.

Also, I've been preparing for college. I've applied to two out of state colleges. One is a two year college that I've been accepted to and the other is a four year that I won't hear back from until I take my SAT this June and they look over my scores. Please keep this is your prayers. Currently I am running around 690 on my critical reading, 620 on writing, and 400 on math. Obviously my math needs major work! I have a month and a half to work and get it up. I would like about a 600 in math as well, but a 500 would insure I won't have to take remedial math and I think guarantee me a spot at the college.

Currently I am dealing with a lot of person issues. Very tough ones that need a lot of prayer and help. Due to the nature of these issues I won't name them or mention anything about them. I have a lot to do in order to get everything worked out and it will be very hard to do everything that I must do. During the next few months I will greatly welcome any prayers y'all would lift up on my behalf. It feels like a huge mess and I know that I need to deal with this quickly and with much wisdom. How I respond to this will affect so much of my life and future. Prayer, study, and wise counseling is needed.
Hopefully I will be returning to my normal blogging habits shortly. So until next time, friends in the blog-o-sphere, please keep me in your prayers and I will keep you in mine.

A Young Maidens Daybook

Today…
March 16, 2009

Outside my window…
I see trees starting to come back to life after a long cold Texas winter.

I am thinking…
How funny it is that yesterday I "sewed" my finger. I've been sewing since I was eight and I've never hurt my self sewing, yet here I am nearly eighteen and I've sewn my finger for the first time. It didn't hurt to much, it just shocked me really bad. For those of y'all who don't know, blood makes me very sick; the sight, the smell, the taste, and even the thought of it. I had my mom check my machine for blood before I went back to my room to resume my sewing.
I think I freaked the whole family out because I had turned so pale. As I had my mother check to make sure that when the needle broke it hadn't gotten lodged into my flesh, everyone else was staring at me as if I was about to keel over...maybe I looked like I was going to?

Some times it's nice to have your mother fret over you after you've been taking care of everything else.=]

I am thankful for…
All of the wonderful women at my church, who have been bringing dinners for our family to help make things run smoother on our busy days.

I am wearing…
A t-shirt and my pajama pants. It is just one of those days.

I am reading…
A Severe Mercy, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, His Chosen Bride, and I finished Peter Pan yesterday.

I am creating…
The same sundress.

One of my favorite things…
Walks in the park.

For education this week…
Writing skills! This is something I desperately need!

A keeper at home skill I am using…
Using my time wisely.(using those "small moments" effectively)

A spiritual lesson I’m learning…
I'm trying to learn not to worry so much.

A godly character trait I plan to work on…
Memorizing scripture, how can I tell my "kids" that they need to hide His word in their hearts if I'm not doing the same thing?

Scripture I am memorizing…
Colosssians 4:5-6 "Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grade, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

I am praying for…
My mother's back, she meets with the surgeon next Tuesday to go over the different options.

For the rest of the week…
Cooking, cleaning, school, teaching, and choir.

A picture I’d like to share…


Taken last year in San Antonio on a trip I took with friends and family.
4/11/2008 (the day after my 17th birthday)

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What has been going on

Life has been really busy the last few weeks! I never seem to have enough time in the mornings/afternoons and by night time I'm too tired to do much of anything. So whats been going on?

First of all my mother's back has gotten much worse, she has had several prolapsed discs in her lower back for about 8-10 years now. They have always given her problems but never anything this bad. She had an MRI two weeks ago and they showed fractures all over her lumbar vertebrae. I don't know all that is wrong but it is very serious. Today she is getting an injection that might help relax her muscles and help deaden the nerves enough that her body will be able to absorb the discs that are pressing on the nerves causing the pain. If this does not work then she will undergo surgery. This whole thing has been very challenging and stressful for all of us. Please keep our family in all y'all's prayers.

Yesterday was my allergy test. I found out that I'm allergic to several things; Ash trees, hickory trees, and dust mites. The hickory isn't that big a deal but the ash is. Our whole area is full of ash trees! I'm still going to be taking a daily allergy medicine just to help keep everything clear and running smoothly. I personally hate taking medicine for anything unless I really have to but I guess this is one of those times.
So how does allergy testing work? It's really simple and kinda cool. First they number your back, so they know what spots are what. Second they have a little plastic thingy with barbs on it, the barbs have drops of different allergens on the tips. Thirdly they take a little 'caterpillar' as they call it and press it into your skin. This doesn't hurt to bad, it's just really uncomfortable! Then you wait. I think I had to wait about 15 minutes for the results. If you are allergic to something the pricks swell up and react to the liquid that was on the barbs. It's neat how this all works and the doctor gave me some sheets to read about how allergies really work "in case I got bored" he said...HA! He had no idea as soon as we got in the car I started reading the pages! It's not his fault I'm a homeschooling book nerd. To be honest those papers were really really interesting to read!

So to sum this all up I just ask for lots and lots of prayers for my mother's back. God bless you all.

-edited for grammar 03/12/09-

A young maiden's day book

Today…
March 2, 2009

Outside my window…
Dark skies, it is 9:26 after all!

I am thinking…
That I wish I was feeling better

I am thankful for…
My family

I am wearing…
Denim and a green t shirt

I am reading…
A huge list...My desk has a big pile of books... this is pretty normal for me though.

I am creating…
A sundress and a pair of socks

One of my favorite things…
Smiles. I love seeing people smile

For education this week…
Same ol' same ol'. Gotta do some more graduation stuff.

A keeper at home skill I am using…
Cooking

A spiritual lesson I’m learning…
Submission

A godly character trait I plan to work on…
Patience and waiting on Gods timing not mine

Scripture I am memorizing…
Nothing right now

I am praying for…
College

For the rest of the week…
Work, cooking, graduation pictures, prom dress alterations, choir, and allergy testing.

A picture I’d like to share…


This is a picture I took last month at the pond.

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