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Monday, July 13, 2009

A new path


College...a word that has always been present in my world. It was never an option. I WOULD go...no questions asked, that was just how it was.
Then last year I started to question that, should girls really go? Is it more biblical to stay home then to get an education? Could what I always thought be wrong?
For awhile I even prayed that I wouldn't go to college, I wanted to just learn to be a wife while staying at my home, which, for me, is totally impractical and impossible for many personal reasons. The doors for staying home just would not open; the door for college kept flying open.
At this point I accepted that staying home and not going to college was not for me and that I would go wherever God showed me, not to long after I accepted this I found a name of a college that really stuck out and prayed that I could go to that one. I had requested drawers-full of information packets from various colleges and applied at a few and got accepted into two others but none felt as right as this one. It was almost too good to be true. I wanted to go to this college so bad. Could I actually be getting my wish?
I needed a 3.0 GPA to get in...I finished with a 3.77 which will qualify me for many wonderful scholarships. I needed a 995 math and reading SAT score...I received a 1040. Every thing "seemed" perfect. I was still scared that something wouldn't work out, but it felt so right.

I prayed nonstop for guidance about this. I called the college a few times...ok a lot of times! I asked questions; I studied my brain into mush before the SAT, I prayed for very specific scores, which I did get just a little higher than. Then one day a little glimmer of light shone, I called to check on my finical aid process and the lady to whom I spoke made it sound like I had been accepted but said I "wasn't just yet"...then on Thursday (the 9th) my mother called me at work with the news. She asked if I was somewhere private and then told me that such and such college had called and that she had bad news. "I'm going to miss my little girl! You’re in!" I freaked a little while on the phone then after I talked to her for a few minutes I hung up and pretty much screamed, scaring everyone in the vicinity. I was in! My prayers had been answered! I was REALY going!


I will be leaving Texas August 8th. I am thrilled; all the right doors have been opened wide and the wrong ones have been locked tight. My path is clear. I am still in a state of shock at this time. As I clean out different places of my room and I think "one month...and I will never call this room mine again. I will never walk the halls of this house again in the same way...it all is going to change in one month" it is a strange feeling. I can't explain it; it is very sweet but with a twinge of bitterness? I am moving on with my life but I am leaving many of my loved ones behind. I am leaving EVERY thing behind. The places I played as a child, the garden my mother and I tilled by hand when I was eight or so, the places my brothers and I grew up, played, and yes got in lots of trouble. My brothers have been my constant companions, what classmates are to those who attend public or private schools are those, my brothers have been to me. The city my grandmother lives in, the city I was born in, and of course some less than pleasant things that totally changed my life and set things in motion that, at the time, I had no idea would affect my adult life. The places my best childhood friend and I went on wild adventures and read books and poetry together that girl’s our age normally wouldn't. It still feels weird knowing that my days are numbered here…but it feels exciting and as if I am starting a new adventure! So much that I am leaving but so much is ahead.

Am I scared? Certainly! I have never been away from my mother and brothers for more than about a week. I will be responsible for my self. No one to say "Sydney, you forgot to eat today" or "Sydney, get a move on! You're running late!" and I will not be able to fall back on my mother when something goes wrong such as, I wore the wrong color blue skirt to work and I have to change or go home (or make a wrap skirt from some fabric and safety pins, yes...that did happen just this week). . I am stilling hold fast to God’s word and truths, in fact I would say over the last six months I have grown more than ever; in ways I cannot even explain. The courage to say “this MUST change and I MUST do this” and the faith that I had to have just incase things took a different direction. I do not think I have ever been this strong in my life. I still have a lot to learn and many ways to grow but I know that by me doing this it is like taking the limits of my development off and giving me all that I need to become the woman God has planned for me to be since my conception. Fear of what might happen if I go to college is not a valid excuse for me not to go. As many of you have heard “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” ~Ambrose Redmoon



I think this new turn of events will changed the focus on my blog a little. I think I will be posting more of daily life and college things. Maybe saving money and being frugal on a college budget? Planning time wisely? (If I learn this)
Things of that nature rather than as many spiritual things as before, Yes, I'll still write on those things but I feel as my life is changing and it is time for me to write more on other things

College is one of those issues that just add fuel to the fire of argumentation. So in advanced if you disagree, please, let me know if you feel the need to, just remember that I am saying what God would have ME do not what I think God would have YOU do. Each person must seek what God will is for them and not what others think they should do. I cannot stress that enough. Just because moving away is for me does NOT mean it’s for you. Just because staying home is for you does not mean it’s for me!

*post started on the 13th of July, Finished finished the 27th of July*

17 comment(s):

Rachel said...

Well, thank you for sharing that Sydney! I can see what a struggle it was for you to determine whether or not to go to college and what one to go to if you did and praying for the right college. =:) I know that because of that, God will bless you in this next step you are taking! Lean on Him and He will take care of you through all the times you are scared or lonely or worried! =:) I will be praying for you as you go on this journey! =:D

Blessings sweetie!
~Rachel~

Anna Naomi said...

I know somewhat of what you're feeling, as I went through the reminiscing last year, leaving so much behind and going on to new things. I'm glad that you're excited and hope it goes well! It is great to look back in your life and see how God works.

The biggest advice I have for you as you head to college is: stay close to God. Don't neglect time with Him, even if it means getting up earlier or going to bed a little later. He is our source of strength that will never fail.

Enjoy the adventures ahead!

sarahannscorner said...

Praying for you as you head off to college in one month. I know it can be a scary time, but if it's the Lord's will for you, you will be the happiest there.

I never really wanted to go to college, but my parents really wanted me to. I attended for a total of two semesters and then the Lord clearly closed all doors for me to continue (mainly because of health problems).

Keep in touch while you are in school!!! I will be praying for you as you move and make the adjustment to school life away from home.

Sarah Ann

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

You will do well, Sydney. I can tell from your profile because was a college professor (now working in another area, one God chose, not one I wanted, but one I immensely enjoy and one where I know am making a difference for God and can continue to do so -- that's how God spoils us, letting us do these kinds of things for Him).

Just remember: whatever you do, do for God -- not for yourself, not for your peers, not for your teacher, but for God. Then, you will remain close to God and you will exceed all expectations. There is no greater motivation than doing what we do for God, and God is always with us when we do that.

If you have not done so, read Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. It is a small, simple book with a powerful message that I think will help you.

Anna said...

Hmmm. I have one year of school left and am still waffling on whether to go away or not. I don't really want to right now, but things may change. Thanks for the *warning*. It's comforting to know that others have been undecided on this issue as well.

Australia said...

This is an issue I've struggled over so many times as well...still do. The ultimate decision that I felt I received from God was to go.
Like it's been said, don't ever neglect time with God and be careful of the friends you choose. The verse that tells us that bad company corrupts good habits is very true, so I found. :(
The safest and the best place for anyone to be is in the center of God's will...so if God has led you to this college, then you'll do very well! :)

Praying for you! Shalom!

~Sydney

Anonymous said...

So, you've been there a while... Any update??

Anonymous said...

This is a different Anonymous, also wondering where you've gotten to... :-)

Elizabeth J. said...

I know you posted the above post quite a while ago but I wanted to ask you a quick question. Would you mind letting me know what college you're attending? I'm currently college searching and enjoying finding out about colleges where other's have chosen to attend. If you'd rather not answer my question, I understand. Thanks for taking the time to read this comment.

Courtney said...

Hi Sydney,
I just found your blog and really enjoyed it!! I do have a question for you!! I noticed your post several pages back regarding the Curly Girl method for hair. I have tried it several times with not that great results...my hair is wavy with a lot of body in it, so I know it has curly potential - but whenever I try the method my curls always get stiff. And they don't stay!! My hair does get curlier, but no like *real* curls. Do you have any advice or help? How much curl did your hair have before you started this method? If you would jump over to my blog and leave me a comment (I won't publish it!) with some advice, I would really appreciate it!
Thanks!
In Christ,
Courtney

åslaug abigail said...

So happy for you that you finally know what God has for you right now! Isn't it wonderful how He makes everything work out right, in His time? I was always going to go to college too, but now I know that that's not how it's going to be (not that I would ever rather go there than follow this path He lined up in front of me. It's so incredibly much more beautiful than anything I ever could have dreamed of). It's very much fun seeing you grow in your walk with the Lord, and see your thoughts as your circumstances change. I've followed your blog for a long time now (or maybe it just feels like a long time because such a lot happened in both of our lives), and I feel kind of like your older sister (in Christ)watching your grow up. It's wonderful the way you trust God and seek Him. So encouraging. He'll continue to bless you for that!!

åslaug

Costume Queen said...

As an individual seeking to fashion your life after Jesus Christ, you might be interested in participating in the event, "14 Days of Thankfulness." I am hosting this two-week event through my blog, Untraveled Path (http://untraveledpath.blogspot.com). You can read more about it on this page:

http://untraveledpath.blogspot.com/2009/11/14-days-of-thankfulness.html

I hope you will join me in celebrating Thanksgiving by counting the blessings God has given!

If you personally cannot participate, I would appreciate it if you would spread the word about the event! =)

Lisa Moyer said...

hey there!

I just found your blog on the Pearls and Diamonds network. Excellent post on college! I've had similar thoughts about going away or staying at home. It's hard to find the balance! God bless as you head out to Texas! :)

Anonymous said...

This is yet, another different Anonymous...where are you?

Anonymous said...

So, how was your first year?

Kate said...

Congratulations on getting into the right college! It's amazing how God works out all the right details when we let him. And it just goes to show you that there's no one specific path in life that every young woman must follow–for some college is the right path, and for others staying at home is.
Blessings to you!
Kate

Sydney Smith said...

Thanks for all the questions as to where I have been! I am coming back to the blogging world with in the next week!