Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Urgent prayer request

Late last night or early this morning my great-grandmother fell in the tub. She is now in ICU and they are saying now is the time for all the family to see her. Her husband has no memories of what happened and started to panic shortly after he called 911. Unknown to everyone here he has been suffering from dementia. We are about to head out to be with her and possibly say out good-byes. Please keep my mother, my grandmother, and I in your prayers as we make the long drive up to see her. Also for the family who is unable to see their great/grand/mother. Much of our family is unsaved so pray that this will be able to be a witness opportunity.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Broken and shattered you look to the skies desperate for the sun to brake from the dark dismal skies. The pain is more than you think you can bear, you scream and cry and beg "no more". It keeps on, relentless...ever grinding and breaking down. The ones who say that they'll never leave you, that they'll be there for you, are no where to be seen. Alone you break apart, brought as low as you can be. The breaking never ceases the sun refuses to shine. The tears pour yet the pain keeps on. You had a light at the end of the road but now its gone. All that you see ahead is darkness and more heart ache, you opened your heart up to love and life and it was crushed and bruised. Nothing to comfort you, nothing to hold on to except a promise that seems as if will never now come true. Yet you cling on, as the heart break beats upon you ever strong you wonder if all has been a lie. Was it ever true? Was it ever real? Why must this happen? The doubts the fears flood your heart trying to drown out all the love and yet you cling on with all your life, praying that the pain you feel isn't permanent. That the separation from love will cease, that the promises will be filled.

From the ashes in which you sit a voice softly whispers in your ear telling you that nothing matters anymore, that you where never loved and that you never shall be. You bite your lips and wrap your arms around yourself as if you might explode. Fighting the voices that speak your inner fears. You swear it was true and that its just a test, a trail and that the light will shine once again. You try to make sense of it all and fail. Hands over ears trying to block it out. Hands on your heart trying to calm it down. Then another voice appears and quietly says "you prayed that My will be done, that I use you for My glory" You sob back that you didn't want the pain. You asked for His love and grace, and swears He made some mistake. He softly and sadly says "this is the only way, I long to use you, mold you like clay but in this present state I can't, it’s painful, it takes time. The threshing of grain is never quick. Beat upon beat, stroke upon stroke and then after that grinding into the finest power, that too my love takes pain. Then the refiner’s furnace, purifying you into something of beauty but this my love takes fire. There are no short cuts to being shaped; brokenness is the price you must pay. As glass is shattered into a million pieces before the completed stained glass picture in all it wonder can be seen, so must be your heart and will. My child I know it hurts but it is the only way."

The tears still flow you see no reason it must hurt so bad, you question the Maker insisting to know why He demands such things from you. With a soft loving smile He gently says "for others you are broken in special ways, I've allowed all this pains and all this hurts so you can show others the Way. There are people only you can reach I've allowed this hurt and suffering to make you into something love it is the only way. I must break you, mold you, shatter you, and twist you; you will suffer all alone at times. The pain will feel unbearable at times. You will not see the clear blue sky for days. You will feel as if your dreams will never come true. The things I’ve promised will seem as if they will never happen. You’ll want to question everything. Nothing will seem right. You will be forced to suffer all alone. You will think all others have forsaken you; as if I have forsaken you but my child I am always here.
I long to give you the things for which you so earnestly pray but first I must make sure you know I am all you will ever need." With the feel of strong arms holding you close as you cry, you beg to be broken more, surrendering all to Him. His will be done is your loudest plea. You hush the other voices whispering their lies. He does love you. He does care. His promises are good. Though the way you seems unplanned the Good Shepard knows the path. You stand up and press on knowing this is how servants are made.

Friday, April 24, 2009

A long up-date

Sorry it has taken me so long to write on here. Life has been very busy around here, along with personal issues that I have been dealing with.

As you all know my mother recently had back surgery. Everything went very well and there are no complications at this present time. Today she was having some swelling at the surgical site so we went to see the doctor. He assured us that everything was more than likely fine and that she probably just tore a stitch under the skin or busted a capillary but as long as it wasn't bleeding or oozing and she was feeling fine and didn't have a high fever she would be just fine. She does have a very light fever however, about 99.6. The doctor isn't worried at this point and as long as nothing changes she should be great.

The day after her surgery was my 18th birthday! While she was still very sore and tired my mother was still able to get up and walk a little and watch me blow out the candles on my birthday cake. It has been so awesome to see her up and walking and slowly returning to her normal life.

Also, I've been preparing for college. I've applied to two out of state colleges. One is a two year college that I've been accepted to and the other is a four year that I won't hear back from until I take my SAT this June and they look over my scores. Please keep this is your prayers. Currently I am running around 690 on my critical reading, 620 on writing, and 400 on math. Obviously my math needs major work! I have a month and a half to work and get it up. I would like about a 600 in math as well, but a 500 would insure I won't have to take remedial math and I think guarantee me a spot at the college.

Currently I am dealing with a lot of person issues. Very tough ones that need a lot of prayer and help. Due to the nature of these issues I won't name them or mention anything about them. I have a lot to do in order to get everything worked out and it will be very hard to do everything that I must do. During the next few months I will greatly welcome any prayers y'all would lift up on my behalf. It feels like a huge mess and I know that I need to deal with this quickly and with much wisdom. How I respond to this will affect so much of my life and future. Prayer, study, and wise counseling is needed.
Hopefully I will be returning to my normal blogging habits shortly. So until next time, friends in the blog-o-sphere, please keep me in your prayers and I will keep you in mine.