I've tried many times to get back into writing on this blog but I cannot do it. It just doesn't feel right anymore. I was a different person back in Texas while writing here, I loved every post and comment of this charming little spot that I started and you all helped make with your reading and comments and all that you shared with me. However, I feel as if it is time for me to move on.
Yes, I am still a christian, I am still conservative, I just feel as if it is time to end this part of my life. You will never know how much this blog changed my life and helped shape me into who I am. It will always be dear to my heart. I am no longer a young single lady. I am a grown woman, taking on the world with new eyes. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is filling all my dreams that I've shared with you.
I am starting a new blog that I feel fits the new chapters of my life much better. I pray that you join me there and learn of my adult life in the real world. Before I say good-bye, I want to thank each and every single one of you for your prayers, love, encouragement, and friendship. You all have helped shape me into who I am and helped me through the darkest and hardest times of my life. I would mention it a little but while I was writing this blog my life was very up and down, I was fighting depression and hopelessness though a large part of it. Doubts of everything in my life. This blog and you all helped me stay focused on God and keep my head above water. Thank you.
So, please join me in the next chapters of my life at More Than a Vegetarian: Not Quite a Vegan. Thank you for everything, I hope to see you on the other side.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Posted by Sydney Smith at 10:52 AM
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Right after I started blogging again, my life got crazy. Between sickness and studying for finals I've had no time to write. I have a few rough drafts of college related posts in the work but nothing worth publishing yet. So hopefully in the next week, things will calm down enough that I can pick up blogging again.
Posted by Sydney Smith at 3:05 AM
Thursday, November 4, 2010
When I lived in Texas I thought I knew what winter was. We never go anywhere if there is even a thin layer of ice of the roads, if someone did try to drive you'd hear the screaming of tires the whole time because no one knew how to drive on the stuff. Wrecks would be a plenty. I took a defensive driving course the summer before I moved up to Missouri and got excited when I saw a section on driving in snow and ice...their advice "Don't do it", that helped a lot, not! Imagine my surprise when I learned that I was still expected at work when it iced or snows!
So when I moved up here and it was in the 70's I was chilly after coming from 100+ weather. It did warm up though for a few weeks later on though. Then mid-September hit...I was DYING, I HATED the cold...I was always wearing a few layers of extra clothing. At time I was tutoring and the mother of the children ask me is if I was ready for the winter and what kind of coat I had...I told her "Oh its a lot like the one you have hanging in the foyer" She looked at me like I was crazy and told me that kind of coat would only get me through the fall. As an early Christmas present she and the children bought me a thick winter coat and gloves to go with it. I was very touched and thrilled.
As soon as we had report of possible snow everyone was giving me advice on how to drive in the stuff and asking me if I'd be okay. The first snow of the year, my first snow, I was at work and they sent me home early so I wouldn't have to drive in it because it was supposed to get to a couple inches thick before my shift was over. So like any warm blooded Texan,I raced home to hole up inside...little did I know that the hill my dorm was resting on would be covered with students playing in the snow! Oh goodness! The fun we had, I built my first snow man, went sledding for the first time, thew my first real snow ball! I was hooked! I loved the snow! But ummmm, I couldn't walk...at all...I would try to throw a snowball and I would fall on my butt. It was funny to me and to everyone watching.
After awhile I got use to the snow and ice(after many many large bruises covering my backside and thighs from slipping all the way down the hill and stairs). Let me tell you, boots help so much! I am in love in with my winter boots and cannot wait ti put them on again. I utterly hate the cold, I really do, all my friends tease me about how much I shiver and bundle up but it is a nice change from hot all the time. I had my first white Christmas last year, so much white in fact my beloved had to shovel my car out of the snow and I had to wade in the fluff that was up to my thighs! We had a lot of good laughs and he would tease me about my awe in the snow. I would just look out the window and grin like a little kid and beg him to take me out and play in it =) He would put his hands on my shoulders and point to the sky "Little Texas girl...this is what we call snow!...It falls from the sky, but it doesn't mean the sky is falling!" He would say all this because I told him once "Snow is really wet and cold!" I had no idea how cold or wet the stuff was.
This year, I am ready, I am already buying thicker lotions, looking for tights to wear, planning knitting projects, and planning the shortest ways to get across campus! So what are you looking forward to about winter? Any winter survival tips?
Monday, October 25, 2010
When I first began my journey to living on my own everyone told me to make sure I keep the scriptures first in my life and never take my eyes off God. I wish I could say I've kept this advice perfectly ever since I moved out on my own, sadly I cannot. Daily life has gotten in the way my prayer life and Bible studies. I work most Sundays and Wednesdays just to pay the bills and get through life. This is a fact of life, I cannot always make it to church ever single service, I wish I could but there is no way I can and still support myself. So how do I keep my heart focused and on God? To be honest, it has been a huge struggle for me before and still is. I get busy and caught up in my studies and working two jobs and trying to balance my friends and my loved ones. What is a overly busy girl to do?
One, I start by praying. I ask God to give me time to spend with Him. I ask him, sometimes I even beg Him, to help me make time for Him daily. One strange way God has give me extra time with Him is during my runs. I love running and run around 3-5 miles a day, usually 5-6 days a week, and when I don't run I cross-training (meaning biking or using some other type of cardio machine to strengthen my knees). These runs normally take around an hour a half for a long run and a short run is usually around 45 minutes. I find these runs a wonderful time to pray and talk to God. If I am running in the woods I sometimes turn up the music on my I-pod and just praise God for this beautiful creation and listen to Him speak to me. Other times I go for hard runs up hills and these are the time I am crying out to God for help or guidance. Before I prayed for God to increase my time and help me make time for Him my daily runs was just time blaring music and thinking about daily life.
Two, I talk to my boyfriend and other like minded friends. My closest friends, my “college family”, with whom I study with, do some group work outs, cook with, hang out with, and just have fun with, are all Christians. We all struggle at times with things but we all try to keep God first and to stay focused on God. All of us are living on our own, all but one of us are either from out of state or out of country even, thus dealing with a lot of the same things. Surrounding yourself with people who will lift you up constantly is more helpful then I ever dreamed possible. My darling boyfriend is a wonderful Christian man, with who I have Bible studies with and pray with. We bother share our struggles with each other and keep each other accountable. When one falls or needs to be reminded of things, we are there for each other. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Your close friends MUST be like minded. And that special person in your life 100% must be on the same page as you! If they are not, you will fall. I couldn't imagine how I would be if my friends where not believers and I couldn't image my man not being on the same page as me. It just wouldn't work.
Third, The Bible will truly keep you focused. When ever I find my self skimping on my reading or I just skip it, things are ALWAYS worse. Maybe not blatantly so at first, maybe I am just a little moodier, or maybe I am just a little off focused, other times it is like a neon sign. I am frustrated, I don't feel well, I can't focus on anything, and I get hacked off at the little annoying things of daily life.
Four, online sermons. I know that this does not replace sitting in a church service and hearing the word with other Christians but it is something. Hearing the word of God taught keeps me challenged and focus. It keeps my heart tender and usable.
Five, Ignore what others say. This is something I've had to do since my senior year of highschool when my life took a different path from that which I had grown up on. When I challenged a lot of things I was taught and that many of my peers and friends and even family believed. I had to focus on God and tune out the other voices telling me Gods will for me.(see this post) God has lead me here and has placed me in the situations I am in. While they are not ideal and I wish I was able to attend a normal church service every single Sunday it isn't doable. I think God still blesses me for this and gives me other was to worship, learn His word, have good fellowship, and to talk to him.
Sometimes, often, I get frustrated with this but then I am reminder that there is a higher reason that I see. Maybe this is just because God wants be to depend on Him and not a church right now. Maybe He needs me strong in my faith on my own before He leads me into further service, I honestly have no idea. All I know is this is what I've got and this is what God had lead me to.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Over one beautiful year has passed since I moved to Missouri to continue my education. I remember how scared I was and how I wasn't always 100% sure I was doing the right thing even though I had prayed and prayed and felt as if this is what God had for me. Now, I am glad I took that leap and moved my life to Missouri.
I am a quarter way done with my sophomore year as a public relations and marketing student, I have wonder friends who are like family to me, I have grown from a child into a woman, my faith is stronger and I actually feel God working in my life so much more every single day, and I am with a wonderful sweet christian man who challenges me to walk closer to God, to do my best in everything, to seek out Gods will for me personally, to read the Word and furtively study it. He is my best-friend, a funny man who loves to make me laugh, he is smart and we talk about everything from computer security to if coffee is better black or with lots of milk (I like more milk then coffee). He truly is a wonderful companion and my best-friend whom I thank God for many times a day.
I was also running cross country for part of this semester but due to scholarship reasons and work I am about to give that up and just run on my own. I work two jobs currently; one at a coffee shop on my campus and the other a hostess at a nice restaurant when I get to dress up every day for work. As for classes I am taking this semester, I am taking an introduction to computers classes, English 106 (second level writing class), Algebra, and French. After next semester I will have most if not all of my general education classes out of the way and be free to start focused classes. If you are wondering what happened to my being an early childhood education major you'll have to wait for a new post about that subject since it is rather a long story =)
College has been full of struggles and been very hard at times but it has been worth it and perfect for me. So, this is all for now, I have a French exam to study for that takes place in a few hours. I can't wait to get back into the blogging world and catch up on everyone's lives and talk to all my lovely blog friends again.
Blessings to all!
Friday, August 13, 2010
It has been just over one year since I moved here. I haven't writen on my blog during this time but I am suddenly filled with the desire to write again. I start classes back this Monday but I am going to have a new post up by the middle of next week. Keep your eyes open and we'll see what pops up!
Posted by Sydney Smith at 11:25 AM
Monday, July 13, 2009
College...a word that has always been present in my world. It was never an option. I WOULD go...no questions asked, that was just how it was.
Then last year I started to question that, should girls really go? Is it more biblical to stay home then to get an education? Could what I always thought be wrong?
For awhile I even prayed that I wouldn't go to college, I wanted to just learn to be a wife while staying at my home, which, for me, is totally impractical and impossible for many personal reasons. The doors for staying home just would not open; the door for college kept flying open.
At this point I accepted that staying home and not going to college was not for me and that I would go wherever God showed me, not to long after I accepted this I found a name of a college that really stuck out and prayed that I could go to that one. I had requested drawers-full of information packets from various colleges and applied at a few and got accepted into two others but none felt as right as this one. It was almost too good to be true. I wanted to go to this college so bad. Could I actually be getting my wish?
I needed a 3.0 GPA to get in...I finished with a 3.77 which will qualify me for many wonderful scholarships. I needed a 995 math and reading SAT score...I received a 1040. Every thing "seemed" perfect. I was still scared that something wouldn't work out, but it felt so right.
I prayed nonstop for guidance about this. I called the college a few times...ok a lot of times! I asked questions; I studied my brain into mush before the SAT, I prayed for very specific scores, which I did get just a little higher than. Then one day a little glimmer of light shone, I called to check on my finical aid process and the lady to whom I spoke made it sound like I had been accepted but said I "wasn't just yet"...then on Thursday (the 9th) my mother called me at work with the news. She asked if I was somewhere private and then told me that such and such college had called and that she had bad news. "I'm going to miss my little girl! You’re in!" I freaked a little while on the phone then after I talked to her for a few minutes I hung up and pretty much screamed, scaring everyone in the vicinity. I was in! My prayers had been answered! I was REALY going!
I will be leaving Texas August 8th. I am thrilled; all the right doors have been opened wide and the wrong ones have been locked tight. My path is clear. I am still in a state of shock at this time. As I clean out different places of my room and I think "one month...and I will never call this room mine again. I will never walk the halls of this house again in the same way...it all is going to change in one month" it is a strange feeling. I can't explain it; it is very sweet but with a twinge of bitterness? I am moving on with my life but I am leaving many of my loved ones behind. I am leaving EVERY thing behind. The places I played as a child, the garden my mother and I tilled by hand when I was eight or so, the places my brothers and I grew up, played, and yes got in lots of trouble. My brothers have been my constant companions, what classmates are to those who attend public or private schools are those, my brothers have been to me. The city my grandmother lives in, the city I was born in, and of course some less than pleasant things that totally changed my life and set things in motion that, at the time, I had no idea would affect my adult life. The places my best childhood friend and I went on wild adventures and read books and poetry together that girl’s our age normally wouldn't. It still feels weird knowing that my days are numbered here…but it feels exciting and as if I am starting a new adventure! So much that I am leaving but so much is ahead.
Am I scared? Certainly! I have never been away from my mother and brothers for more than about a week. I will be responsible for my self. No one to say "Sydney, you forgot to eat today" or "Sydney, get a move on! You're running late!" and I will not be able to fall back on my mother when something goes wrong such as, I wore the wrong color blue skirt to work and I have to change or go home (or make a wrap skirt from some fabric and safety pins, yes...that did happen just this week). . I am stilling hold fast to God’s word and truths, in fact I would say over the last six months I have grown more than ever; in ways I cannot even explain. The courage to say “this MUST change and I MUST do this” and the faith that I had to have just incase things took a different direction. I do not think I have ever been this strong in my life. I still have a lot to learn and many ways to grow but I know that by me doing this it is like taking the limits of my development off and giving me all that I need to become the woman God has planned for me to be since my conception. Fear of what might happen if I go to college is not a valid excuse for me not to go. As many of you have heard “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” ~Ambrose Redmoon
I think this new turn of events will changed the focus on my blog a little. I think I will be posting more of daily life and college things. Maybe saving money and being frugal on a college budget? Planning time wisely? (If I learn this)
Things of that nature rather than as many spiritual things as before, Yes, I'll still write on those things but I feel as my life is changing and it is time for me to write more on other things
College is one of those issues that just add fuel to the fire of argumentation. So in advanced if you disagree, please, let me know if you feel the need to, just remember that I am saying what God would have ME do not what I think God would have YOU do. Each person must seek what God will is for them and not what others think they should do. I cannot stress that enough. Just because moving away is for me does NOT mean it’s for you. Just because staying home is for you does not mean it’s for me!
*post started on the 13th of July, Finished finished the 27th of July*