Broken

Broken and shattered you look to the skies desperate for the sun to brake from the dark dismal skies. The pain is more than you think you can bear, you scream and cry and beg "no more". It keeps on, relentless...ever grinding and breaking down. The ones who say that they'll never leave you, that they'll be there for you, are no where to be seen. Alone you break apart, brought as low as you can be. The breaking never ceases the sun refuses to shine. The tears pour yet the pain keeps on. You had a light at the end of the road but now its gone. All that you see ahead is darkness and more heart ache, you opened your heart up to love and life and it was crushed and bruised. Nothing to comfort you, nothing to hold on to except a promise that seems as if will never now come true. Yet you cling on, as the heart break beats upon you ever strong you wonder if all has been a lie. Was it ever true? Was it ever real? Why must this happen? The doubts the fears flood your heart trying to drown out all the love and yet you cling on with all your life, praying that the pain you feel isn't permanent. That the separation from love will cease, that the promises will be filled.

From the ashes in which you sit a voice softly whispers in your ear telling you that nothing matters anymore, that you where never loved and that you never shall be. You bite your lips and wrap your arms around yourself as if you might explode. Fighting the voices that speak your inner fears. You swear it was true and that its just a test, a trail and that the light will shine once again. You try to make sense of it all and fail. Hands over ears trying to block it out. Hands on your heart trying to calm it down. Then another voice appears and quietly says "you prayed that My will be done, that I use you for My glory" You sob back that you didn't want the pain. You asked for His love and grace, and swears He made some mistake. He softly and sadly says "this is the only way, I long to use you, mold you like clay but in this present state I can't, it’s painful, it takes time. The threshing of grain is never quick. Beat upon beat, stroke upon stroke and then after that grinding into the finest power, that too my love takes pain. Then the refiner’s furnace, purifying you into something of beauty but this my love takes fire. There are no short cuts to being shaped; brokenness is the price you must pay. As glass is shattered into a million pieces before the completed stained glass picture in all it wonder can be seen, so must be your heart and will. My child I know it hurts but it is the only way."

The tears still flow you see no reason it must hurt so bad, you question the Maker insisting to know why He demands such things from you. With a soft loving smile He gently says "for others you are broken in special ways, I've allowed all this pains and all this hurts so you can show others the Way. There are people only you can reach I've allowed this hurt and suffering to make you into something useful...my love it is the only way. I must break you, mold you, shatter you, and twist you; you will suffer all alone at times. The pain will feel unbearable at times. You will not see the clear blue sky for days. You will feel as if your dreams will never come true. The things I’ve promised will seem as if they will never happen. You’ll want to question everything. Nothing will seem right. You will be forced to suffer all alone. You will think all others have forsaken you; as if I have forsaken you but my child I am always here.
I long to give you the things for which you so earnestly pray but first I must make sure you know I am all you will ever need." With the feel of strong arms holding you close as you cry, you beg to be broken more, surrendering all to Him. His will be done is your loudest plea. You hush the other voices whispering their lies. He does love you. He does care. His promises are good. Though the way you seems unplanned the Good Shepard knows the path. You stand up and press on knowing this is how servants are made.