Starting Monday is our official Christmas break. After that I'll be half way done with my senior year of high school, the mixed emotions are over whelming. I have dreamed about this day since 6th grade. I've planned and planned yet all of those plans are now void due to my surrendering to the Lord. I use to have to all planned out, where I would go to college, what I would study, and what I would do after that. Even how many children I wanted! A "perfect" plan in my own eyes. Now I'm not so sure. It's never been a question of wither or not I'd go to college, my father has told me since I was eight that I was going to college, plain and simple. I was always told I'd complete college before I married and that was all there was to it. Now I'm confused, Yes I will be going to college since that is what my father wishes for me to do and my duty as a daughter and as a woman is to honor and obey him in all that I do; But now, there is no strong desire to go and get a degree. I feel no pull towards getting a career before I marry. I'm content with taking correspondence classes and learning to care for a home though other means. This spring I'll be taking some basic herb and family gardening classes. Those are the things that the Lord has turned my heart to, not going off and getting some expensive degree and getting a high paying job, then getting married and having children.
As I reach the half way point of this final year of schooling, I feel a thrill of pure happiness that 'yes its really going to happen!' I am also scared of what lays ahead, as I go into the college campus what temptations will I face and what challenges on my faith will I have to over come? Will I be able to over come these? I'm also hopeful, hopeful of that which the Lord is preparing for me. Every time I pray for my future husband and children I feel a hope for my future! I feel as if my life has a purpose and that I'm getting closer to one of the highest callings that the Lord has for me. I also sense waiting. My parents want to me to have finishes college before I can marry. I know that there will be temptation in this area. Will I be able to wait for His will? Will I ever meet the man the Lord has for me? Does he even have a mate for me or does he wish for me to remain single forever?
I feel as though I'm coming near the end of a road that I can't see around the next bend. I have no idea what is coming and I only have two options. One: Stay still in fear and never know the fullness of what the Lord has planned for me. 2: Go forward with faith and trust Him fully. My favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11, reads: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
Even though I do not feel like I have an expected end all the time I know that I do. Faith is all that will get me though the remainder of this school year and all that lays ahead.
As I look back over the past few years I can see the working of the Lord in ways that then I didn't see. Times He lead me to those that would help and encourage me and times that he lead me to those that needed help and encouragement! My greatest desire of these upcoming years are that at the end of this part of my journey I'll be able to look back on my single years and say that I did not waste them! I want to be able to serve my God and others with all my heart during these years. I know that this season in my life is not meant for me to be finding a mate, but to be preparing my self for my mate though service to others and to the Lord. As I take an over view of the past few years I am amazed with how much I have changed and how much I have grown. It seems as if the past few years I've started a whole new "growth spurt". I'm done growing physically but no where near done growing spiritually and mentally.
I'm working on an end of the year post on the matter of personal growth so I won't go into detail here.
I guess the main thing I'm feeling is over whelming excitement. I'm about to finish HIGH SCHOOL! Its sort of like coming to the end of a good book. You are excited that its over but your sad that its coming to an end; But at least you know there's a sequel!
So what do I have left as far as school work?
I have to finish Geometry.
English 12.
Sonlight for history and literature.
Human anatomy.
My foreign language.
When do I plan to get my diploma?
The second or third week of May!
What do I plan on majoring in?
Education and anything that has to do with homemaking.
Well I could write for a loooong time on this subject but I'll save it for another week.
Have a great week end!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Posted by Sydney Smith at 6:51 PM
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11 comment(s):
Praying for you Sydney! I understand your thoughts...
I don't feel like the Lord is leading me to college right now, and I am blessed to have parents that are fine with that.
God has the perfect plan for your life and he is working on fulfilling it every day! Just keep your eyes on him. Your future may not be clear, but Jesus will be your guide:)
God Bless You Sydney!
Jenna
p.s. I am looking forward to future posts!!!
Hi Sydney, I can totally relate to how you're feeling... I too don't feel completely lead toward college, and I am so happy to hear that I'm not the only one. I do hope to get my AA and the junior college, but that may change...I'm still so undecided right now.
I am so excited about H.S coming to a close, and a new chapter in my life opening. I want to find a husband and marry so badly. It is so diffucult for me to wait on Him, while my friends are finding these great boyfriends, and I'm still "just me".
Anyway, you will be in my prayers! May our loving Father grant you peace in these upcoming months.
I totally understand your feelings. I think most likely I will at least start working on my education "while I wait". I know that if I go into anything I would like to go into the medical field - particularly my interest is OB/GYN or midwife, -- but like you, I am NOT looking forward to going to college!!! But if God wills that, then I will do that. Our pastor just brought a lesson last night geared toward the young people about getting an education and making yourself useful. It was helpful in that it made me realize that at least while I am in waiting I can be doing something and even if I do get married, I can have something that will be of value to my husband . . . if you know what I mean. Anyways. Wishing you the best in your last semester! I am trying to get mine done by this semester!!! YAY!!!! SO EXCITING! :D Good luck!
Sydney, I can definitely relate to your feelings. They were mine as I neared the close of high school, and many are still mine today. I, too, wasn't so thrilled about college but went because my dad wanted me to. And, it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Would I rather be at home? Definitely! But I found that I had a good foundation for my life, and being at college, though there are more temptations, I have stayed strong and only grown closer to God because He is the only Friend that is with me no matter where I go. His grace gets me through each day.
So, congratulations as you near the finish line of high school, and I pray that God gives you wisdom and strength for the season of life after it.
Shall I chime in too?? As an "old married woman" (half a quote from Mr. Elton in Jane Austen's Emma) I shall say that while you are unmarried, the will of God for you is to obey your parents. So, college is it! Remember that if you marry, you are not guaranteed to have your husband alive the rest of your life. You must be prepared to take care of yourself and raise your children without him - if the Lord sees fit. Education is a great way to be prepared (but not the only way). I majored in elementary education, and I have never regretted it. I was born to teaching. I now homeschool my own children. If I had it to do over again, I would definitely have taken more home economics. Then I'd have been prepared to run my home better, and maybe use that as a means of earning income from home to either supplement our income or be my income in case of the death of my spouse (which has not happened at this point). Also, if I had it to do over again, I'd have studied more music (piano and voice to use in church). AND, I might consider studying secondary education - like math or science education. Let's face it: teaching elementary school isn't terribly difficult subject-wise (although it has its challenges). But, I'd be better prepared to homeschool if I knew more math (I took lots in highschool, and I'm good at it, so it's not that big a deal). But, I'd prepare to be prepared to teach all the way through highschool.
Seek the Lord's face to see what HE wants YOU to be prepared to DO - then study that! Remember: Study to shew thyself approved unto God a workmen that NEEDETH NOT TO BE ASHAMED! Study hard and stop worrying about marriage. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that girls are serious and not frittering time away in dating. But, I think that too many girls start "waiting" for their prince too early. This isn't something to "wait" for or think about constantly. It's not "work" to find the one to marry. It's a GIFT from God. The Bible tells young men: He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord. Read Elisabeth Elliot's book "A Quest for Love." Then, just do God's will each day and let Him worry about the rest.
Greetings in the name of Jesus! I found your blog some time ago, and have really enjoyed reading it! I came across your post today, and I feel the need to encourage you. It sounds like we are being raised a little differently, and I thought it might help to give you a few things to ponder about the coming changes in your life.
Me and my family believe that women should be stay at home moms, and should not go out into the workforce, leaving the protection of their father/husband. (You can still make money at home....sewing, baking, and so much more!) In today's world, college is really just a place to hang out with people your age, have fun, and learn things that you’re probably were better off not knowing. (: That's not to say you won't learn what you went there to learn, but I can assure you, college will tear you down more than build you up. It's very sad to say.
I think it's wonderful that you want to learn everything you can about being a wife, mother and homemaker. I fully believe this is what God's calling for women is. (You can find this in Titus.)
I'll be praying for you. Make sure to pray about your decisions and make sure they are what God want you to do before you make any big changes. (: Be sure to stay in the Word every single day...and keep your hand in His.
You can visit my blog at: www.homeschoolblogger.com/Button.
In Christ Jesus, Tessa
I'm so glad to read that you are committed to God's will for your life. I, too, have no desire to follow the traditional feminist model of college and career. I feel very blessed to have parents that encourage me in this and completely approve of my decision. I will most definitely pursue some form of higher education, but not in the form most people think of. Online education might be an option for me down the road, but right now I am enjoying working with my family on our farm and helping to process the paperwork for our adoption of a little baby boy from China. :) I feel so blessed to spend my single years as a 'lady in waiting' with my family!
Be encouraged - you are not alone. Continue on the right and holy path that God has called you to. It is definitely right that you obey your father in what he has for you. God will bless you for it!
Blessings,
Courtney
www.courtneykrause.blogspot.com
Dear Ladies,
Thank you all for your comments and thoughts, but I feel as if I must clarify a few points. My family does believe that women should stay at home once they are married. My father wants me to go to college, not because he wants a feminist daughter but because he wants me to have the best chance of having a successful life that I can. He, as some of you pointed out, knows that I if I marry I may not have a husband for ever. There is a family in my church of all girls that lost there father to heart failure. He, in love, wants to prepare me for what ever the future holds. Rather it is being married to a ripe old age, losing my husband in death, or staying single; he wants me to be ready.
On the topic of working at home. I've been slowly working on my own Business. I haven't gotten very far yet but I am working on it slowly but surely.
On the matter of marriage.
I did not mean to imply that I wanted to simply wait around to get married. I do believe how every that at a young age you should determine to start "waiting" if we make that choice now rather then waiting till marriage is possible it will be easier to make the right choice. Yes I do long to marry one day but it is not my main goal in life.
The main reason, other than obeying my father, for going to college is in regards to homeschooling. I'm sure you all heard about the temporary home school ban in California. For awhile you couldn't home school unless you had a teaching license. That is the main reason I wish to pursue teaching. What if, down the road, homeschooling is illegal unless you have a degree in teaching? All I know is that the Lord has given me a strong desire to teach. Maybe He plans for me to teach in a school or maybe simply to teach my own little ones some day. I do not know but I do know that I will be following the guidance of my father to go to collage and learn all that I can.
I simply wanted to clear a few things up and just make sure that you all knew the reason behind my father's reasons for wanting me to go to collage.
Praying for you all.
I think your first couple paragraphs echo the Psalm 37:4 verse I wrote about. Whether or not you do truly end up going to college I know you will be obedient and seek to honour both your heavenly father as well as your earthly.
When I get my diploma I will go to college, but it was be an institution of what we view colleges as today. I plan to master in several fields so that if I ever need to serve the Lord or care for myself I will be learned enough to do so from home.
Also, I did see that some mentioned about "if your husband dies..." I am very realistic in this area. I know what circumstances one can be put in, but I do not like to think or doubt the Lord in this area. And I certainly know that if something like ever happened I know He would provide a way for me.
In short I'm not going to prepare for damage control. I'm not going to prepare for control at all. I'll let the Lord handle it, and prepare to be the Woman He wants me to be. :)
I was not saying, Sydney, that you at all have a lack of faith, but I've heard this many times and I don't like the mindset.
Shalom!
Hello Sydney,My name is Sarah Gilmore, I'm 18, and the 4th in a line of 9 kids!
I found your blog one day a while back, and I enjoyed reading what you wrote! I am blessed to have a very wise and protecting father, who believes that girls/women should stay at home and learn everything there is to learn about homemaking and also to have abusiness/job at home. We girls do not leave the house alone, and we always stay in groups. He believes that a girl going to a college, is a very dangerous thing to do and so does not allow us to go; but I wanted to let you know that there is the opption of doing classes on-line! My older sister did this for a year or 2! Some of her classes were taken from colleges in another state!
Now, she was shooting for a degree in a certain field that required her to go take classes at the campus, so she never got to finish her degree. So, you might not be able to get a degree, but you can do all your classes at home! Just like homeschool!
As for me, I don't really have a desire to go to college.
Anyway, I was also going to tell you about another book you might like, or you might have allready read it. It's called So Much More by 2 sister, Elizabeth and Anna Sophia Botkin. The book is sold at Vision Forum.com. I might go and leave you the link later.
That's about it!
talk to you later!
Sarah Gilmore
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