A new path

College...a word that has always been present in my world. It was never an option. I WOULD go...no questions asked, that was just how it was.
Then last year I started to question that, should girls really go? Is it more biblical to stay home then to get an education? Could what I always thought be wrong?
For awhile I even prayed that I wouldn't go to college, I wanted to just learn to be a wife while staying at my home, which, for me, is totally impractical and impossible for many personal reasons. The doors for staying home just would not open; the door for college kept flying open.
At this point I accepted that staying home and not going to college was not for me and that I would go wherever God showed me, not to long after I accepted this I found a name of a college that really stuck out and prayed that I could go to that one. I had requested drawers-full of information packets from various colleges and applied at a few and got accepted into two others but none felt as right as this one. It was almost too good to be true. I wanted to go to this college so bad. Could I actually be getting my wish?
I needed a 3.0 GPA to get in...I finished with a 3.77 which will qualify me for many wonderful scholarships. I needed a 995 math and reading SAT score...I received a 1040. Every thing "seemed" perfect. I was still scared that something wouldn't work out, but it felt so right.

I prayed nonstop for guidance about this. I called the college a few times...ok a lot of times! I asked questions; I studied my brain into mush before the SAT, I prayed for very specific scores, which I did get just a little higher than. Then one day a little glimmer of light shone, I called to check on my finical aid process and the lady to whom I spoke made it sound like I had been accepted but said I "wasn't just yet"...then on Thursday (the 9th) my mother called me at work with the news. She asked if I was somewhere private and then told me that such and such college had called and that she had bad news. "I'm going to miss my little girl! You’re in!" I freaked a little while on the phone then after I talked to her for a few minutes I hung up and pretty much screamed, scaring everyone in the vicinity. I was in! My prayers had been answered! I was REALY going!


I will be leaving Texas August 8th. I am thrilled; all the right doors have been opened wide and the wrong ones have been locked tight. My path is clear. I am still in a state of shock at this time. As I clean out different places of my room and I think "one month...and I will never call this room mine again. I will never walk the halls of this house again in the same way...it all is going to change in one month" it is a strange feeling. I can't explain it; it is very sweet but with a twinge of bitterness? I am moving on with my life but I am leaving many of my loved ones behind. I am leaving EVERY thing behind. The places I played as a child, the garden my mother and I tilled by hand when I was eight or so, the places my brothers and I grew up, played, and yes got in lots of trouble. My brothers have been my constant companions, what classmates are to those who attend public or private schools are those, my brothers have been to me. The city my grandmother lives in, the city I was born in, and of course some less than pleasant things that totally changed my life and set things in motion that, at the time, I had no idea would affect my adult life. The places my best childhood friend and I went on wild adventures and read books and poetry together that girl’s our age normally wouldn't. It still feels weird knowing that my days are numbered here…but it feels exciting and as if I am starting a new adventure! So much that I am leaving but so much is ahead.

Am I scared? Certainly! I have never been away from my mother and brothers for more than about a week. I will be responsible for my self. No one to say "Sydney, you forgot to eat today" or "Sydney, get a move on! You're running late!" and I will not be able to fall back on my mother when something goes wrong such as, I wore the wrong color blue skirt to work and I have to change or go home (or make a wrap skirt from some fabric and safety pins, yes...that did happen just this week). . I am stilling hold fast to God’s word and truths, in fact I would say over the last six months I have grown more than ever; in ways I cannot even explain. The courage to say “this MUST change and I MUST do this” and the faith that I had to have just incase things took a different direction. I do not think I have ever been this strong in my life. I still have a lot to learn and many ways to grow but I know that by me doing this it is like taking the limits of my development off and giving me all that I need to become the woman God has planned for me to be since my conception. Fear of what might happen if I go to college is not a valid excuse for me not to go. As many of you have heard “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” ~Ambrose Redmoon



I think this new turn of events will changed the focus on my blog a little. I think I will be posting more of daily life and college things. Maybe saving money and being frugal on a college budget? Planning time wisely? (If I learn this)
Things of that nature rather than as many spiritual things as before, Yes, I'll still write on those things but I feel as my life is changing and it is time for me to write more on other things

College is one of those issues that just add fuel to the fire of argumentation. So in advanced if you disagree, please, let me know if you feel the need to, just remember that I am saying what God would have ME do not what I think God would have YOU do. Each person must seek what God will is for them and not what others think they should do. I cannot stress that enough. Just because moving away is for me does NOT mean it’s for you. Just because staying home is for you does not mean it’s for me!

*post started on the 13th of July, Finished finished the 27th of July*

Wait for me as I wait for you

This is a very beautiful song that I think echos the wishes of every girls' heart. We wait and save ourselves for our future mate and while the church pushes the purity of the young ladies and how men find that a desirable trait they often fail to mention how we ladies want out husbands to have waited and save him self for us. Would you want to learn that your husband waited for you like you waited for him?


Rebecca St James - Wait For Me

Darling, did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
And darling, did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

CHORUS:
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait

Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
" Til death do us part"
I mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

CHORUS

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness, and a second chance
So wait for me, darling wait for me
Wait for me
Darling wait for me

CHORUS

Stop the cookie cutting!

Cookie cutters, we've all seen them, we've all used them. They are great little things for making every single cookie the exact same way every time. I teach little kids, 3-7 year olds, so when I make cookies for those guys the cookies MUST BE THE SAME SIZE!!! IN THE NAME OF FAIRNESS. But, what about people...?

I have always been a "break the mold" person. I've always stood out, even when I tried to be like everyone else. You know the kid who always was the "weird one" but some how everyone still loved...yeah that was me. I am grateful that I never learned to fit any mold other than the one God made just for me.
I've never really matched up to what most people thought I should and to be honest, that is fine with me. The last year a lot of what I believe has changed, no I'm not about to say I am turning liberal, I've began to use the Bible as my bases rather than "oh, so many people say xyz so it must be true!" or " Oh...so and so said it and they seem like such a godly person" or the one that I've most recently started having to change "oh, my parents say it so it automatically biblical". As I've bounced back and forth between these thoughts I've learned something: God speaks to each of us differently. Just because not wearing pants is right for you doesn't mean its right for me. Maybe God doesn't have a college education planned for you like He does for me. Let’s say that God wants you to live at home until your married...that’s not what He has for me. Head covering full time? Great, if that’s what God has for you, as for me just during worship. Not at all for you? Then praise God that you’re doing what He wants for YOU.

You CANNOT put the Christian life in a cookie cutter and say this is how it has to be! Now, duh, some things are; like salvation, through Christ's blood alone. Something we cannot earn and something we do not deserve, a free gift to all man kind who trust in His name alone. Baptism, after salvation only, not for babies. The Bible is the written word of God. Stuff like that. However many things aren't clear in the Bible, Mistake? Hardly, when God makes something vague it’s because he WANTS it vague. Why doesn't God say this is how you do this with everything in our lives? Because it’s different for each person in each generation. Maybe God wants a certain woman to become a doctor so she can later become a missionary’s wife and she needs that degree.
I know a couple that happened to. The wife went to college, had a great job before hand and when she went on the field that knowledge was greatly needed and used! I want to teach, I have for most of my life. Maybe God has a class full of children that He has great plans for, they just need some one to plant the seed and water it. Maybe God wants a certain girl to stay home and learn the ways of the house only and never get a "real job" or an education past high school. Maybe her children are going to change the world. What ever God has for you may not be the same for another family or even for a member of the same family

See why its impossible to say "this is the only way!". Often times when we say that it's not that it's the only way, but it is OUR way. Personally I am sick of being told that what I'm doing is wrong by people who hardly know me. They don't know anything about me. They hardly even know my family, yet they think that they have some sort of divine insight into my future and speak as if God told them "this is what I would have Sydney Smith do", yeah right. Now maybe those people have prayed for me and maybe they think that they know what is best for me. Now if they really did don't you think God would have told me or my parents that? Yeah, He would have. I have prayed for along time for God's leading. When I first started praying and people would ask what I was doing and I would say "I'm still praying about it...maybe stay home for college? I'm not sure" I got the response "well praise God your seeking His will" well when I started saying "I've prayed very hard and now God has lead me out of state for college" I get the "are you sure...are you old enough to make that kind of choice? What do your parents think?" as if some how when I sought God and it matched their plans of how I should be I was mature and able minded but when I sought God and was sure of what He wants and it doesn't match their plans then I am a child unable to know what God would have for me. What they really meant the first time “was praise God you match my mold of life!”
Yes, this does bug me. I am a born again believer, God speaks to me like he does you; God gave me a brain and a heart. God gave me the desire to seek His will and the ability to talk to Him about my future. God says "seek ye first the kingdom of God" Not seek ye first the opinion of some well meaning person who hardly knows you and is trying to force you into their own little box of how Christian girls should be. Yeah, there are risks. Yeah, I will fall and mess up, maybe big time; the safest place to be is in the center of God's will. I would rather risk going out of state and living on my own and be in God's will then stay home "safe" and not being in God's will but "safe".

So what am I trying to say? Stop trying to make people fit your little cookie cutter.
Stop telling parents that they fail at parenting because their child is different. That bugs me to no end, when people keep questioning my mother to why she is allowing me to go to college and if she’s sure that I'm right! Seriously people, cut it out. I have been very sweet and tried to be loving towards people who say stuff to me but if I see another person question my mother about my college choice I might end up referring them to this post.
If you have ignored God’s will for that of some well meaning person I want to encourage you to stop allowing people to “cookie cut” you. Seek God’s will…not man’s.

SAT and Etsy.

My SAT's are over! I am so so so so so so glad! I can finally sleep with out worry about wasting study time; Life is good again. I think I did pretty well, I knew a lot more than I thought I would. I'll find out for sure the 26th; Until then all I can do is finish up my transcript and mail it off to my college and then wait some more.

I'm doing some sewing for people to try and raise some extra money for college/car funds. Once I am done with that I'll be working on getting stuff back on my Etsy, I really let that go while studying for my SAT. So keep an eye out for those up-dates. Also, Beth is having a sale for her Etsy shop! Be sure to check out her beautiful creations! I am going to order two pairs of earrings! I was so happy to see surgical steel earrings since anything other than white gold, silver, or surgical steel gives me infections and turns my ears black! So anyways, be sure to check out her shop! My mom bought be a bracelet there awhile back I love it! All of her stuff is high-quality and just so cute!

Any suggestions of things that you would like to see in my shop? Suggestions don't mean that you'll buy anything :) just something that you think would be nice to see sold.

A Young Maidens Day Book

Today…
June 1, 2009


Outside my window…
Is sunny and bright.

I am thinking…
How glad I am to be done with my school.

I am thankful for…
that I got to see my great grandmother saved before she passed away


I am wearing-
Denim and my old volleyball t-shirt

I am reading…
Dating with a purpose, the power of crying out the choice is yours, and the hounds of baskervilles.(again)

I am creating…
A baby sweater (just the sleeves left to go), a knitted cami, and soon a laptop cover.

One of my favorite things…
Wild flowers.

For education this week…
My SAT test.

A keeper at home skill I am using/learning...
Keeping school records more organized!

A spiritual lesson I'm learning...
That some times we just have to let go of worries and just relax.

A godly character trait I plan to work on…
Temperance.

Scripture I am memorizing…
Isaiah 40:9. Lift up your voice with strength, lift it up, be not afraid.

I'm praying for…
My SAT test. My moving to Ohio. My acceptance into my first choice college (already accepted to my second choice that is paired with my first choice so I can transfer to my first choice but rather just get into my first choice and skip the step of transferring)

For the rest of the week…
Studying, packing, and getting my laptop.

A picture I’d like to share...
My brothers, my best friend and I. We where sitting in the grass after my graduation and a mom of one of our friend's asked if we wanted a picture. The dress I'm wearing is the one I've been saying I've been working on for awhile. I finally finished it! I also made the white purse from some fabric I got from a friend for my 18th birthday. We are all squinting and tilting our heads funny because the sun was shining in our eyes.

Our loss is heavens gain.

As you all know I spent the end of last month in Ohio to see my great-grandmother who was in the hospital from a very nasty fall. As we were about to cross the Texas border on our way back home we got a call saying she had a small blood-clot but that she would be fine.
Later that week she got moved into rehab and was doing much better. Well two weeks later we where told she was back in ICU from an infection in her one kidney and various other problems; but that she was going to be fine once they got her hydrated again.

Then, on the 21st, right after my graduation rehearsal we got the call...she had passed away. We all were in shock, she had been doing better; no one really knew anything at that point but we went ahead and started planning out trip up there.
I tried to get out of my graduation so we could go up there sooner but no one would hear of that. My great-grandmother had always told me to be young while I can, to live life and to shine when it was my time to be in the light. So I went ahead and went through with my graduation.

As soon as it was over we started packing to leave the next morning for Ohio again. We got there Monday, the viewing was Tuesday, and the funeral was Wednesday. It was beautiful, during her time in the hospital, right after her fall, she confirmed her salvation. It was a glorious thought knowing that she was in heaven though her body was in front of us. After wards the whole family, people I had never even heard of before, poured into the tiny house for lunch and fellowship with one another. It was packed and noisy.
After everyone had left I sat outside with my granddad just sitting watching the world around us. At one point a little neighbor boy (about 6 or so) started talking to me. When I told him I was from Texas he just looked up at me and asked, with huge eyes, "Is that where cowboys are?" He then promptly told me to follow him because he wanted to show me his four-wheeler. After talking excitedly about his four wheeler and various other things in their carport he was ready for me to meet his family! I had grown up hearing about his Aunt, who was best friends with my great-grandmother, so little be known to this boy his family was tied pretty closely to mine. Giggling lightly I waited on their porch for him to get his mom. After a few minutes of light chit-chat I told him I had to get back to "my house" because my mom needed to go to the store. While I was gone he reportedly kept driving and walking in the open ally between the two houses waving wildly and screaming "hiii" all day. Kids are so cute. I can’t wait to see him again and maybe use this as a chance to Minster to some of the local kids. Most of the town seems to be Christian; the stores are all close on Sundays or at least closed during church hours. The windows are covered with Bible verses and various other Bible related things. I think I’m going to like it there for my summers.


So what else has been going on? Well not much! My SAT is this Saturday and I am more nervous then a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs! Well I was, I've been praying for peace and that my nerves be calmed. I've been studying pretty hard core for the last month and a half which has helped my confidence but has also allowed me to put more stress on my self.
I'm going to keep taking practice tests clear up to Friday but I'm refusing to allow my self to stress the math section. I do not know everything that is on there. Making my self so tense and stressed will only harm me on the math I do know. Crying over and glaring at a math problem that I have no idea how to do will NOT help me at this point. So I will simply just take a deep breath try a few more time to see the problem from different angles, if I still cannot do it I will make a guess and move on.
I have done my best. I have done the official SAT question of the day. I have watched math videos. I have done word of the day. I have read and read and read. I have prayed. I have written practice essays. I have done study programs and just about everything else I can think of. I have done all I can do. It is God's hands now. I do NOT need to worry...I'm still trying to convince my self of this.
Please keep my SAT in your prayers. If anything hurts me it will be my nerves more than anything. I'm going to start doing "full length practice tests starting tomorrow". So instead of breaking the whole test up into different parts of the day or even over two days I'll be sitting down and following the official time. So it will take a good three and a half hours. Normally I would spend an hour or so testing then go do something else then come back an hour later and do some more. I'm hoping this will get me ready for the real thing.

All in all I am at peace with my life and future right now. I believe I am on the right path with my plans and goals. Life is good. God is great.

Only a few more days up north...for now.

Today we spent the day staying home instead of going to the hospital since a few of us have been feel unwell. According to the doctors great-grandmother had a rough night, none the less she will be moved into a temporary nursing home this coming week. After that we are praying that she will be able to move into a assisted-living home where she can stay with her husband and still hang on to her sense of dignity.

My grandmother is going to be renting a house up here starting next month and I will be moving in with her for the summer to help her adjust and get settled into her new house. I want to start her a garden and help turn the house into a beautiful home for her year round. We are both very excited and can't wait! I am taking my SAT June 6th and she has to place a 30 day notice at her job or we'd be moving up much sooner!

I wish I could write more and spend more time proof reading and checking my grammar a little better but we have 9 people staying in one tiny house...with one slowish computer so we all try to be considerate of others and allow each person time to check e-mail and such as needed. Still with so many people it is hard to have even a little bit of privacy. I would love to respond to my e-mails but time is lacking and I want to spend as much time as I can with the Aunt and Uncle I've meet for the first time in my life this week!

This Tuesday we will be leaving early in the morning to head home. I will be sad to say good-bye to every one and to the beautiful land but I know that in a few short weeks I will be coming back for the summer, just until college that is!